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Why I Like Retirement

My friend in Albion, Dr. Gary Stevens sent me an e-mail entitled “Why I Like Retirement.”  I’m sure many of you can relate to these…here’s what it says:

How many days in a week?  Six Saturdays, one Sunday.  When is a retiree’s bedtime?  Three hours after he falls asleep in the recliner.  How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?  Only one, but it might take all day.

What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?  There’s not enough time to get everything done.  Why do retirees like being called Seniors?  The term comes with a 10% discount…sometimes 15%.  Among retirees what is considered formal attire?  Tied shoes.

Why do retirees count pennies?  They are the only ones who have the time.  Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?  They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.  What do retirees call a long lunch?  Normal.

What is the best way to describe retirement?  The never ending Coffee Break.  What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?  If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.  Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?  He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite about liking retirement…What do you do all week?  Monday through Friday, nothing…Saturday and Sunday, I rest.

That’s Land’s View.  I’d like to hear yours.  I’m Dave Land.

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